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While people in some countries start having sex at an average age of The United States falls somewhere in the middle at But despite knowing all this, does the age at which you first have sex really matter?

Some experts, like dating coach and matchmaker, Laura Bilotta , say, absolutely not. Out of the 41 countries studied, people in Iceland were found to have sex for the first time at the youngest age, When it comes to having sex for the first time at an earlier age, Sweden is in the top three at Those of us in the U.

The U. Those in France have sex for the first time around the same age as those in the U. They do it at an average age of Italians wait a little longer to have sex for the first time than anyone else in Europe at By using our site, you agree to our cookie policy.

Learn why people trust wikiHow. Explore this Article parts. Tips and Warnings. Things You'll Need. Related Articles. Article Summary.

Part 1 of Make sure you are ready to have sex. Feeling nervous about your first time is normal. If you feel tense when you think about sex or when you and your partner are fooling around, it might be a sign that you should wait.

If you have sex when it doesn't feel right, you may enjoy sex less and become tense during the act. A lot of people grow up being taught sex is shameful, should be reserved for marriage, and is only to be experienced between a man and a woman.

Try talking to someone about your feelings. It is normal to feel insecure or unconfident about your body. But if you are scared or cannot be naked because of how you look, it might be a sign that you're not quite ready to be with a partner.

Don't feel ashamed of your sexual preferences. Only you can decide who you're attracted to and what type of sex you want. Communicate with your partner.

Talking with your partner can establish trust while helping you feel more positive about having sex. A good partner should be considerate of your feelings and willing to help you through the process.

If your potential partner pressures you too much or makes you feel uncomfortable, reconsider having sex with them. Talk about birth control and protection before you have sex.

If they dismiss your feelings, it may be a sign that they do not take your concerns seriously. Find a trusted adult you can talk to.

You might feel awkward discussing sex with an adult, but you should at least identify someone you can reach out to for help.

This could be a parent, a doctor, nurse, school counselor, or an older sibling. They can give you advice, answer your questions, and provide access to protection.

Even if you don't end up talking to them beforehand, you may want to have someone you could contact in case of emergency.

If you feel pressured to have sex, talk to a trusted adult for help. Remember that you never have to have sex unless you want to. No one should pressure you into doing something you don't want to.

Part 2 of Learn about how sex works. Understanding your own anatomy can help you feel more confident, especially if your partner is also a virgin.

Knowing what goes where, what's normal, and what to expect can help ease your anxiety. Some places you can look include Planned Parenthood , Sex, Etc.

Masturbation can help you understand what you enjoy when it comes to sex. Before having sex with a partner, try experimenting with yourself. Discover your hymen.

Contrary to popular belief, the hymen membrane does not usually cover the vaginal opening unless a condition exists such as a microperforate or septate hymen.

Rather than it being a "seal of freshness" like many say, it is instead the muscle and skin surrounding the opening, akin to the skin and muscle of the butthole.

It doesn't "break", but it can be damaged by anything from tampons, doing the splits, or when having sex or inserting larger objects in, which causes the pain most virgins feel.

If the hymen is damaged or torn, it will most likely bleed. This can be seen whilst and after sex. The amount of blood should not be nearly as much blood as if you were on your period.

Pain during sex is usually caused by friction. This can happen if you are not lubricated or aroused enough. Identify the angle of your vagina.

If you can help your partner ease into you at the correct angle, you'll avoid some potentially painful fumbling.

Most vaginas are angled with a forward tilt toward the belly. If you were standing, your vagina would be at a degree angle to the floor. Try to recreate that same angle when you start penetrative sex.

If you don't use tampons, insert a finger next time you're in the shower. Aim toward your lower back; if that doesn't feel comfortable, shift forward slightly until you find a point that's comfortable.

Locate your clitoris. Women rarely experience orgasm from penetration alone. Instead, clitoral stimulation usually causes them to orgasm. Oral sex or clitoral stimulation before penetration can relax the muscles.

Try to locate your clitoris before you have sex. You can do this by masturbating or by looking with a mirror and a flashlight.

This can help you guide your partner to it during sex, especially if your partner is also a virgin. Orgasming before penetration may actually help reduce pain during sex.

Try to engage in oral sex during foreplay and before penetration. Your partner can also stimulate your clitoris with their fingers or a sex toy.

Part 3 of Pick a stress-free location. If you're constantly worried about getting caught, you might not have much fun. Make it easier on yourself and your partner by choosing a time and place where you won't be disturbed.

Look for privacy, a comfortable surface to lie down on, and a time when you aren't worried about being on a schedule.

Think about whether you're more comfortable having sex at your place or theirs. If you're in a dorm or if you share a room, you might ask your roommate to give you some time alone that night.

Set a relaxing mood. Loosen up by making the atmosphere stress-free. Clean up any distracting clutter, shut off your phone, and remove anything else that might make you feel nervous or keep you from focusing on your partner.

Dim lighting, soft music, and a warm room temperature can help make you feel safe and comfortable. Consider taking some time to groom yourself beforehand so that you feel relaxed and confident.

Get consent. Make sure you and your partner have openly agreed to have sex. If you're not sure how your partner is feeling, ask before going forward.

Just because your partner doesn't say "no," it doesn't mean you have consent. If you do not want sex, they should back off when you say no.

Use condoms. Condoms protect against both pregnancy and sexually-transmitted infections STIs. Using protection may help you relax if you are nervous about getting pregnant or a disease.

Other forms of birth control do not protect against STIs, so a condom gives you an extra layer of protection. If your partner refuses to use a condom, you may want to reconsider having sex with them.

There are both male and female condoms available. The most important thing about condoms is that they fit. Partners should buy a few different types of condoms.

Try them on and see what fits best. If your partner has a latex allergy, nitrile condoms are a great alternative. Condoms should be worn before, during, and after penetration.

This will increase your protection against STIs and pregnancy. Apply lubricant. Lubricant will ease a lot of the pain by reducing friction.

It can also help prevent condoms from breaking during sex. Apply lubricant to your partner's penis over the condom or sex toy before they penetrate you.

If you're using latex condoms, do not use an oil-based lubricant. These can weaken the latex and cause the condom to tear or break. Instead, use a silicone- or water-based lube.

It is safe to use any type of lube with a nitrile or polyurethane condom. Take your time. Try to enjoy the moment instead of rushing to the finish line.

Spend time figuring out what you and your partner both enjoy. Start with kissing, move to making out, and stick to whatever pace feels most comfortable for both of you.

Foreplay can help you relax while increasing arousal. It can also increase your natural lubrication, making it easier for your partner to enter you painlessly.

I wouldn't say I was stupid or naive in these sense of being easily persuaded because no one talked me into it.

At the time, it was what I thought I wanted. But I was immature and so insecure that I was willing to go to any depths in order to cling to a boy's attention, even if it meant handing my virginity away like state fair prize.

But what really breaks my heart most about the entire thing is that in the months leading up to losing my virginity , I confided in my aunt about it.

She sat me down and talked to me, and the message still resonates with me to this day, even though I was too young to fully appreciate it then.

What she said was something along the lines of, "You should wait as long as possible to lose your virginity because every person that you have sex with will take a little piece of you.

The more of the 'wrong' men you sleep with, the less you'll feel like and be like yourself. She appealed to me as a young adult, instead of talking down to me like I was some child the worst thing you can do to a budding teenager , and I appreciated that.

Unfortunately, as grown as I thought I was, I wasn't mature enough for her message. In that moment I thought I understood what she said, or that I'd comprehended what she meant on a basic level but it wouldn't be until many years and eight partners later that I actually learned what her words meant.

Now, at almost a quarter century old, and after years of on and off celibacy that was sometimes unintentional the first time being for the next year after I lost my virginity , I've had lots of time to reflect on past situations and what I want for myself in the future.

I acknowledged her words as the truth for the first time when I began crying during a later sexual encounter with the eighth-grade boyfriend who was the reason I'd vengefully lost my virginity because of in the first place.

Although we had never really stopped having sex since we'd started in high school, I craved something deeper from someone deeper — intimacy and love — none of which could be found in the type of sex I was having with the men I was having it with.

And after all those years of sex with him, I finally realized how meaningless the sex still was. Since first having sex almost 12 years ago, I've lost myself in so many ways — from my peace of mind to my vulnerability and self-respect — at one point or another in my life.

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